Hopefully this reaches someone and helps them make a decision.
Emotional abuse may entail the abuser downplaying the severity of abuse along with the act of invalidation. Invalidation is to reject, ignore, mock, tease, judge, or diminish the victim’s feelings.
Physical abuse is abuse involving contact intended to cause feelings of intimidation, pain, injury, or other physical suffering or harm.
There are MANY FORMS of abuse, but I’m going to touch on these two.
LOVE, infatuation, Validation, wanting to belong… make even the most intelligent people put up with the most foolish situations. Maybe it’s you, or maybe you know someone, that has been in a situation in which you wondered why they stayed and knew the obvious.
Physical Abuse most would say is the most harmful form of abuse. I can speak outside of opinion because I’ve been given the life experience to have ALL of them. Yes it’s unfortunate, blah blah, but I’m not a victim, I’m a survivor. And since God gave me the gift to inspire and write… Each life experience I’ve dealt with, I’m going to use to help someone else. Back to Physical abuse, maybe you don’t know you’re in a physically abusive relationship or one is about to surface. It usually begins with something small for reprimands (making him/her angry) like pinching, grabbing pressure points to gain control over the individual. But it evolves…unless you get out before it does. Evolving into hitting, punching, throwing objects, and even strangling. Sometimes even death…Most times these wounds heal..though they damage the soul.
Yet emotional/mental abuse plays a different role on the body and spirit. Remember in school we were taught “Sticks and Stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me”? It’ snot true. Our words are our most powerful instrument. This type of abuse sinks into your well being and you begin to believe the demeaning things this person has said to you. “You’re stupid” “Do you ever use your brain” “My last girlfriend was smarter than you” “You’re crying and it’s your fault”. These Monsters say these things to gain control. Some of which are called “Water Torturers”. What they do is pretend that they have done nothing wrong after such events occur. They refuse eye contact, and insist upon you dealing with the feelings that they left from name calling and belittling.
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There’s times when in emotional/mental abuse, a man will tear your esteem down for hours…telling you that you do nothing right, accusing you of outlandish things because of what they are doing themselves, and end it all with just a sorry, and let you sink in your own tears. They never realize, that sorry isn’t going to “fix” everything. And because now you’re torn down emotionally/mentally… You can’t function normally in the relationship. And because you’re still hurting, again, they blame you. Cheating occurs, because you lose sexual interest in the person that makes your heart ache.
It takes more than a bandage to heal a deep wound. It takes time. And a wound can never heal if the same wound keeps being attacked.
I’ve had both instances, and have found that the scars from emotional abuse are much harder to heal. But it is possible. You are doing yourself and them an injustice by allowing another day in this nonsense. Do whatever you need to do to get out… Yes I know sometimes it’s not easy. You may have children together, a mortgage, bills that are in union. They may only be “this way” in your presence. Yet around everyone else, a gentleman, kind, sincere. I know that makes it difficult to leave. But whomever your God is, will make a way because he would rather you in peace than in suffering.
Know this Ladies— Love does not hurt. Yes things won’t always be perfect, but they won’t always be miserable either.
If there is real love involved, this person will care about your feelings and what they are doing to you… If you are in an abusive relationship, please, GET OUT before the scars become too deep. No man, or woman is worth, spending your days in sadness. Make yourself a priority… You only live once!
I had to let go of the one man I truly loved,…
P.S. View my piece entitled “MONSTER” on my website: www.KhalilahYasmin.com