KHALILAH YASMIN©

“Know when to walk away…”© KhalilahYasmin.com

We’ve all been there.  We’ve all wanted something; an object, a friendship, promotion, or a person. Everyone has had a crush or fell in love with someone.  Most likely everyone has met someone that they could not stop thinking about.  But what if that person is not thinking about you?  How do you react?  Do you insist?  Do you walk away?  I’m not asking for advice.  I know what I do.  But have you ever taken a moment to look at how YOU react?

We are taught to fight for what we want.  But there is a limit in the situations to which to hold that regard.  You cannot fight for something that was never yours to begin with.  You cannot argue someone into falling in love with you.

If someone has blatantly told you that they do not have interest in you, what sense is it in forcing your ideals on them and how “perfect you would be for one another”?

Relationships are the force keeping the universe going.  There’s an energy between each relationship that some of us are not even aware exists.  I am not speaking just about romantic relationships.  There are relationships such as friends, coworkers, and even strangers form a type of relationship even if briefly.

The definition of a relationship is simply how two separate entities connect to one another. The depth of that connection is irrelevant.

There comes a point when you have to walk away.  Walking away does not mean you have to make a 2 am scene in the middle of a hotel in Miami because a girl wouldn’t let you spend the night. 

Walking away is done in the mind before it is done in the body.  You have to know when your sanity is worth more than the object or person in front of you that you deem important. 

While they say there is someone for everyone, you will not FIND that person if you are constantly trying to force feed yourself to someone who has either shown you or told you that they do not want you.

Take the relation-shit for an example; a relationship that is not going anywhere.  Know when to walk away.  If you’re tears outweigh your smiles, it’s time to walk away.  This is not the person you want to marry just because you do not want to be alone.  Just because you want financial security.

Would it make sense to insist someone or something that in the long run will cause you more pain than it will pleasure?  They say be cautious to what you wish for, because you just may get it.  So if you finally get “John” and he lies and cheats on you all the time because he initially told you, “I don’t feel the same as you”.  Do you deserve it?  Yes.  Because you forced it and he was honest. You decided to settle.

When we are born, most of us are born alone.  (I say most because there’s a smart ass somewhere that’s going to mention twins to me).   It is great to find someone that is equally yoked with you, yet there is no satisfaction in damaging another because someone broke your heart.

Your world should not crumble because someone does not see with the same set of eyes.

They say many of us want what we cannot have.  By all means aim for your dreams for they are attainable. People however, cannot be forced.

Just live. Be yourself. And hope someone will take notice.  It’s really that simple. 

Walk away with your heart and your mind so that your feet will follow. Know when to walk away.  

“No offense.  Unless it applies.”

© http://KhalilahYasmin.com

I’ve written a blog on this in the past from both sides of the spectrum. Years ago it upset me when people said they were less attracted to their own race. I thought it was wrong to discriminate against your own ethnicity.  To say “I want no one that looks like me” seemed insulting.  I then referred to it as self-hatred.

I was wrong.

In the past year- I’ve discovered new experiences; both positive and negative. I am enlightened by both. Nothing is regret when you gain knowledge from it.  You can say I have ‘experimented’ with ‘options’ in the past 14 months.  I have always considered myself an equal opportunist yet found myself BACK THEN more attracted to Black men even though some of them frightened me by their levels of  aggression.

So here’s my theory; we gravitate towards where we find peace and purpose. (Those of us that prefer peace). And subconsciously we teach our minds to avoid that which brings us pain or discomfort. ESPECIALLY if those situations were frequent and/or severe. I meet/see men everywhere of all nationalities, countries, and education backgrounds. Whether it is a night out, the post office or while on a walk. 

I understand that a man that feels he “looks like me” will be more comfortable approaching me.  But just because we look similar on the outside does not mean we will mesh on a mental or spiritual level.

Let me start by saying- I will always love my people but some of y’all are giving us ALL a bad name. If I had to record all of my experiences for the past 12 months and categorize them by comfort, interest and the race…My own people have been the most rude and ignorant in means to get my attention. It’s embarrassing and sad.  They have also been abrasive upon admittance of disinterest. But those are simply MY experiences.  My experiences do not count for every one as a whole.

The portrayal of black men in the media, music, and film has created an aggressive, flashy and disrespectful image that a lot of people are taking as their reality.  That reality is not something we must accept by default.  It does not compliment the image. It has progressively created a monster.  A million of them that think that approaching a woman is a game.  And if they do not win this game, the woman must be punished or a called names.

So because we are both black, and you see me walking with someone who isn’t, does not mean I chose his RACE, it means I chose his mind.  I chose the way he treated me.

A friend of mine reminded me that a lot of women DO turn to an alternative based on the common experiences with their minority majority.  She claims that some women turn to women for that deeper connection they do not feel with men.

And let me say this; it’s not a conscious decision that one makes as I previously thought. No one wakes up and says “F*ck Black Men”. Or even “F*ck Black Women”. It just doesn’t happen that way. It’s a gradual mind shift you don’t realize till you’re in route to your car and 4 black men corner you.

Till “what will happen if I say no” crosses your mind. Till “why am I a b*tch because YOU cannot talk intelligently to ME”.  Until this pattern repeats itself with the same Earth-suit.

Or take for instance the young woman that recently was shot in DC because she refused her phone number to a man whom she found no interest in.  Where does the aggression lie? 

So I subconsciously found myself being attracted to ‘them’ less. From a cognitive stand point as stated earlier– this makes perfect sense.

Every once in a while- I will meet a man of my own ethnicity who will be respectful and blow my mind. But the MAJORITY is giving them a bad reputation.

I know this does not apply to all- it’s just my observation from my experiences as I have watched how I have now become more reclusive to that particular group.

What gets me interested? A man that can simultaneously blow my mind and looks passed the outer barrier.  We should recognize that just because we look alike does not mean we ARE alike and are limited to options to simply choose what looks acceptable.

A man that judges a woman by her mind and NOT her Earth-suit that she did not pick off of some “body rack”.

Another friend told me that she has had unpleasant experiences with men whom were her race which was Caucasian.  She claims Black men are nicer to her than her own.   Does this mean that some people feel more comfortable with their own race so as to take them for granted?  The family versus guest’s principle where we treat people we see as family less pleasant and do everything for the other person whom is new in our home?  “Save the good towels for the guests, you live here; you go grab the one with the stain on it”.

Whether it is —White, Blue, Black, Red, Yellow, or Silver.

Could that justify the mentality?  That we do not feel the need to respect our own?  

There IS a such thing as being TOO comfortable.

I’m not making any definites. I’m simply stating…

I’ve changed my mind.

I don’t look down at my skin when I meet with your eyes,

This is just my experience, no offense, unless it applies.  

“Dear You”

Dear You,

I cannot pretend you don’t exist now that I know that you do,

The moment you spoke, I lost myself in your YOU…

I cannot show you what you aren’t ready to see,

Cannot make you stop loving her, and start loving me.

I cannot make this make sense to you, or even myself,

But I realized something the moment you left—

You were a stranger that my heart knew so well,

You’re no magician, yet I’m under your spell.

Willing to be everything that you need,

If you take off your blinds and decide to SEE me.

I see you. I see you in perfection flawed in direction.

I see you with my soul, I feel your reflection.

Awed at my capacity and intensity to feel,

Questioning my mind for what my heart knows is real.

If a friend I must be, then that role I will take,

For your absence would cause my heart to break.

As I listen to your heart break, I hear the echo of my own,

For I am now lost, because now mine you own.

My heart merged to yours when you held me so tight,

Afraid, Nervous, and Ashamed to tell you last night.

The moment you spoke, I lost myself in your YOU…

I cannot pretend you don’t exist now that I know that you do,

If I must be a fool, allow this fool to be true,

I can, do, and will be in love with you.

Seems with love I’m always playing tag,

I placed my heart in your carry -on bag.

A friend.

“EKAJ”

Smitten, for he is a poem I have not yet written.

Both of us shy, and sore of lips from being bitten…

He got closer.

I stood contemplating my heart- my keys and letting him in…

A stranger at distance, and a lover to win.

Sin?

I had considered because I want to live in his moment.

His eyes studied mine as he saw that I owned it.

Heartbeat.

Racing as I made the decision to speak,

Walking with strength in my legs though my knees had gone weak…

He blushed red.  I blushed bronze through my brown skin,

Grabbing my key hoping he’d know to come in.

He spoke,

And his voice still rings in my ear…

I took my own dare, and began my own cheer.

Curiosity has gave me birth instead of death,

Foreshadowing the moments we’ll share the same breath.

I reckon, that he felt the exact same flame,

Because his skin felt like fire when he reached and whispered his name.

Letters to the World-From the World-

“Value; LOOK DEEPER”

http://KhalilahYasmin.com

I woke up today and remembered a dream that I have frequently.  I dream about someone that mattered to me and was taken from me.  And that dream got me to thinking about ‘value’.  As I look around me and the world we live in, a lot of our values are distorted.

The way in which we judge our significant others, our friends, and the people we choose to entertain, is taken very lightly.  It saddens me. While it is not uncommon anymore to see a woman with a man just for his finances, what about when they run out?   The same can be said about a man for a woman.  Many people place value on things that are not constant and everlasting.  I’m not about to give you the paddy cake riddle that ‘It’s what’s on the inside that counts’.

Allow me to go deeper.

Since I was a child, I was always very observant of people and my surroundings.  I stare. I dream. I imagine.  I began a game with myself for fun that I would imagine everyone I know, in an assembly line as long as it could go filled with people I know.  They all are lined up, naked, bald, and void of all material possessions.  If we could see the people around us in this way, it would allow us to see what we really like/dislike about the person.

Take for instance, the “Good Hair” phenomenon.  How many men AND women would not be as aesthetically pleasing to you if it were not for their clothes, hair, and make up?

What about Tyrone?  He hits on you every time you see him at Roscoe’s.  You turn your nose at him simply because ‘he looks like he cannot even purchase a meal’.  Why can’t you be his friend?

Sure, he’s simply a waiter (as far as you can see)… But what if Tyrone came into $30 Million dollars and started driving a Lamborghini to his part time job at Roscoe’s?  Is that when you’d decide to finally give him your number and get to know him?

Or do you take a chance on Tyrone and find out that Tyrone is a lot more than what he appears to be on the outside?

Allow me to flip it. 

So you’re dating Renee’.  She’s beautiful on the outside.  Her parents are wealthy, and by association so is she.  She never needs anything from you financially. And you enjoy being around her because of the attention you get to be on the arm of a beautiful woman.  Do you enjoy Renee’s conversation?  If she were to undergo surgery that destroyed her good looks, would you still find yourself with her?  Be honest. Not with me, with yourself.

John is a successful basketball player about to sign a major contract.  Would you still be his girlfriend if he had not been scouted that day?  If he was still playing street ball at the neighborhood park and working at Best Buy, would he still have the same value to you?

I performed an experiment a month ago.  I went shopping yet was dressed in sweats, and tennis shoes.  Nothing fancy.  I purposely made myself look simple to see whom would help me in the clothing stores I went to.  I had PLENTY of money to purchase anything that I wanted.  And out of 6 stores, it was the last store that finally decided to not take me at face value.  I asked people for help in each of the stores. I told them what I was looking for and was treated as if I was a bother. The last saleswoman helped me and I explained to her my story.

This weekend I went to the same stores, but I was dressed in clothing that made more of statement.  I made it a point to simply walk in the stores that I went in before.  I was thoroughly responded to…

How many people pass up potential over the basis of material possessions?

And who are you putting UP with based on what they have?  

MY POINT:

You cannot obtain success by sitting in the lap of someone successful.  You are not rich because the person you are dating is.  Beauty fades.  Beauty is accidental and most importantly FRAGILE-

So I ask you to do this, RIGHT NOW, Close your eyes or look into the distance, imagine 5-10 people that you are close to or find ‘value’ in.  Line them up side by side in your imagination, remove their clothes, remove their hair, and material possessions. Lastly, remove their face. 

Is this someone you would still choose?  IS there anything WITHIN them that complements or intrigues you? 

Personally, I practice this exercise daily as second nature.  So if you’re in my life and I make time for you, it’s because I’ve lined you up, I’ve removed all of your clothes, shaved your head, burned your wallet, erased your face and still found something worth keeping….  YOU.

(If this touched you- feel free to share)

Peace upon and within, K~Y

“Perfection” ©

http://KhalilahYasmin.com

I wanted you to be my canvas,

I breathe art, philosophy, poetically …

And You wanted an ass to kiss, literally…

I want something deeper than something that wants to go deep IN me.
I want a connection, and nothing like what all the other men be
When they want the panties without the romancing,
The grinding without the perpetual dancing.

I want the fairy tale.
And I promise I will get it. I don’t believe in perfection, I believe we can split it.

‘Mr. Right’ may come before I am ready, ‘Mr Right Now’ is wrong-
‘Mr Happy Medium’ can have me.

Allow us to paint together and use one another’s brushes,
I want this to be stronger than any of my crushes

Ive lusted, and promise there’s a difference. To have love in the moment and love thats infinite,
A LIFE WITHIN IT By it I mean the air we breathe within each others kiss.
Upon one another lips not just another ass to kiss..
literally.

Because I see with the eyes that no one else can find,
I see within my soul, a girl like me, she sees with her mind.
While you think I’m blind and dumb witted, I’m paying attention and quick when I spit it
When I’m silent I’m observing the most,
And when Ive seized to exist, I don’t leave a ghost.

I want to be your lover, but your name is not Prince and I am not ‘cuming’
For you to know my screams in your psyche BEFORE I start humming

My theories may chase you away,

and though I don’t plan for forever,

I put a purpose to my today… so if you want to stay…

I’m sure within this subliminal only few will get it.

I don’t believe in perfection… but I believe we can split it.

“Missed” Khalilah-Yasmin
I don’t miss you, I miss who you pretended to be,
and since pretending isn’t real- I miss nothing at all.

I haven’t changed my number,  yet subconsciously wait for your call.

You see, I thought I was a dreamer, until my dream was deferred.
I thought I was a poet, until your presence created my words.

But if that was your representative, imitation of what you knew I wanted to see,
I cannot miss ‘YOU’ and who you pretended to be.

But I miss me.  I miss me before I knew that my dream could exist,
I miss being naive, I miss me being kissed.

A sincere embrace that now has become a mirage,
the colored stain glass now a tainted collage.

I thought I was awake, but I realize it was a dream,
and even in my nightmares I’m forbidden to scream.

My mouth is open, yet silent,

my body shaking like thunder.  Violent-ly…

I don’t miss you…  I guess I miss me.

This is partially inspired by my own life and thoughts. Yet, I had some inspiration from a paper that I am doing for class….

Letters to the World, From the World…
“Let me be ME” © 2009 Khalilah-Yasmin

Yay for gays, piercings, tattoos, interracial love, nudists, universalism, freedom of thought/speech, blood and liberalism.

For being yourself, giving no shit about opinions. For men that love ONE woman, and a woman that loves one man. For he who doesn’t fear being seen holding my hand.

For being disease free and knowing your status, Yay for telling the truth and daring someone to complain about it!

Yay for wearing skulls, bones, and skater shoes, pleasing myself instead of failing at pleasing you.

Dressing how I am, instead of how you think I should be.

Being yourself instead of what the world thinks you could be.

Yay for living life by your own rules. For being true to you and not fussing with fools.

For being born to speak poetically. For leaving you because you rather I speak pathetically. IDIOT.

For having enough esteem to simply do me. For being happy with my eyes instead of what YOU See.

For being called a “Bitch” because my body is sacred, for being called promiscuous if you choose to leave your house naked.

For being an original version of yourself instead of an imitation of the friend-emy. For being motivated by determination instead of fueled by envy.

Yay for you, and being whomever you want to be in this world,
for being a boy, even if you were born a girl.

Yay For being skinny, tall, big, or petite,
for not being jealous of another for how they look or weep.

For comparing yourself to none, but who you were yesterday,
for, …. me, and allowing these words that I say.

for saying NO to oppression, especially that which you do on your own,
for allowing a stranger’s vision to leave your mind blown.

For being fearless, and making them afraid,
for being unique when they call me strange.

For living in the moment, that is fleeting each day,
For being who YOU are, whether you’re happy or gay.

Yay for being able to find a solution or stop complaining.
For seeing the sun in your mind even when it’s raining.

Express and be, who you see yourself as..
Be the moment, and do not let anything pass..

By you, write your own story, live your own tale,
create your own Heaven instead of living in Hell.

Yay for being happy with your got damn self,
to being your own best friend.
Living by this philosophy:
“do you, fuck them, thee end “.