My vulnerable confession
“Never sleep with anyone you wouldn’t want to be.” – Anonymous.
It was a while ago now but I took a vow to be abstinent. I did it because I needed to cleanse myself spiritually from any souls that were clinging to me. I did it because I wanted to have something real. I wanted the fairy tale in real life because I know it exists. I’ve seen it. I wanted someone that knew that I had kept this part of myself to myself and the moment I gave it to them, they would realize that I believed in him and us. I did it because sex is nothing to me without love and intimacy. I did it because if I’m going to allow anyone in my life in that realm, it has to be worth my time. I’ve got things to accomplish, dreams to administer, and people to inspire.
Abstinence allowed me to know who wanted me for me and who just wanted, pardon my English, to “F*ck”. And it’s okay to be honest about your intentions. I’m just not into that.
Real is worth waiting for. I’ve lived most of my romantic fantasies already. There’s just ONE left; Genuine Reciprocity.
When I began my abstinence it was simply because I was tired of the relationships I had and how I felt afterwards. Close friends assumed that I did it for GOD. Initially that was not my motive, but it later influenced the sustaining of my choice.
I did NOT do it because I had something to prove to anyone. I simply was turned off from allowing anyone to enter my body or my spirit that was not worthy of the residence there. I did some thorough research on ‘Soul Ties’ which is the connection that happens when two people have sex with one another. When you share energy with another person you are getting all of the energy from their past and spiritual debris unless they have cleansed themselves of those connections before connecting with you.
The truth is, the longer I went without having that connection with anyone, the more value I placed on it as well. Each day it was like I had invested in a stock that was growing a billion dollars by the minute.
Then I met someone that I thought was worth it. He said all the right things. Did all the right things… and then, did the one thing I was afraid of this whole time…
Do I regret it? No. It was an experience that was necessary for growth and learning. Will I make a better choice next time? Definitely.
Sex addicts for instance. Just imagine the haunted souls of thousands they have with them at all times, passing those souls each time they share energy with another.
This all happened months ago… but I’m now in a place where I can share my experience in hopes that it inspires someone to pay attention to who they share themselves with.
You may not believe in soul ties… but you don’t have to. These are all MY opinions. You don’t have to agree for me to share this with someone that may need it for the encouragement to persevere or a high five for doing so.
Imagine becoming the person you last had sex with. Imagine becoming like all of those before you that THEY had sex with. Would that be okay with you? Imagine.
You deserve relationships with value. Value yourself or no one else will.
I’m not perfect. I know what I know because I’ve been an idiot before. I still have MUCH to learn. I’m just willing to admit I was once asleep.
What you ALLOW is what will continue. Love, Khalilah
“The Greatest Bliss” Copyright 2013 Khalilah Yasmin
Feeling worthless when I know I’m worth it. This too shall pass as I pray it passes soon.
I’m losing weight and don’t have much weight to lose.
I’m losing myself because I let my heart be used.
The greatest bliss was outdone by the greatest devastation.
My abstinent investment in exchange for humiliation.
This too shall pass and I pray it passes soon. I’m losing weight and don’t have room to lose.
I’m losing myself as I stand surrendered in front of God.
I felt cupids arrow.
Suffered through the puncture of the rod.
No drug or drink can escape me from myself. Feeling worthless and I’m the only one who can help.
You prayed WITH me and thanked God that I existed.
Your beliefs don’t match your behavior. Where’s the God in this?