“Finish Last”

“Finish Last” ©2009 Khalilah-Yasmin
http://khalilahyasmin.com

It aches me everyday, even though it was me, who told you to go away,
and leave me alone if to torment me was your only purpose in using the phone.
Or to bone, when the girl that loved you most became your whore,
wanting to please you, never stopping, yet loving you more.
Years cannot erase a love this strong, for once I had you, I had already waited too long.
But it was wrong, for me to be,
with you,
I thought you were one of my dreams that finally came true.
Until I realized unrequited love is a nightmare of sorts,
I placed my tears in your hands and you had no remorse.
But of course, you say, it was my choice to love you so deep,
to watch you with amazement, when you sleep -when you speak.

But what was I to you?  Sex slave and companion expendable,
a lie to keep me quiet, a heart that now is unmendable.

I don’t know which memory I miss the most
as I look to your side of the bed and I see your ghost.
As I sip my own wine, and to goodbye I toast.

I should be happy, not taken for granted anymore,
Just the girl that became a woman, demoted from fiancé’ to whore.
When with me, you gained position you never earned.
as I’m like Usher, but I can’t “let it Burn“.
For  now the heart that I had is obliterated, with Keloid tissue
smiling each day in denial, because it’s pathetic to miss you.

To miss you, he who, never gave a GOT DAMN,
whom I was never enough for, and tried to change what I am.
Tell you this, never, why feed your arrogant perception,
when I was merely set up for my heart’s own deception.
Washing the sheets every night because I swear it’s you I still smell,
wondering how you’re oblivious to my heart that’s in Hell.

A heart broken four times, by the same man, is a fool,
My mind put a restraining order on you, and your tool.
Forbidden to go where I think you may be,
Forbidden to think for too long, afraid of what I may see.

Years cannot erase a love this strong, for once I had you, I had waited too long.
But it was wrong, for me to be,
with you,
I thought you were one of my dreams that finally came true.
Until I realized unrequited love is a nightmare of sorts,
I placed my tears in your hands and you had no remorse.
But of course, you say, it was my choice to love you so deep,
to watch you with amazement, when you sleep when you speak

I don’t know which memory I miss the most
as I look to your side of the bed and I see your ghost.

I attempt to consciously bury you in a time capsule in my past,
and reaffirm the fact that Nice girls also FINISH LAST.