Coming to Las Vegas? Don’t be an Ass-hat.
Here are 5 Things Every Las Vegas Tourist Should Know:
Prepare to be educated and perhaps slightly offended.
I live in the entertainment capital of the world, which had an estimated visitor count of 39 million last year; LAS VEGAS. Nearly 21,000 conventions are held here per year in addition to the other varied reasons that people come to visit, such as elite entertainment, the reputation, or to ‘party’.
As with anywhere, perception is altered when you actually LIVE in a certain place. Most of us that live here LOVE Las Vegas. We live in a 24 hour town where you can go bowling, to dinner, or a private Cirque du Soleil event at 1 o’clock in the morning if you so desire. The list goes on and on!
Without further adieu,
I have a few specific rants to address that most locals will agree with.
Number 1: Activities
I am always slightly alarmed when tourists condescendingly ask me, “What else is there to do in Vegas?”
Well cupcake, we have everything that your current residence has, but the better version of it. Want to go to a pool? From March- September you can find a pool at every one of the casinos, some of which have free entry. These pools have the occasional live music concert, your favorite frozen drinks, cabanas, and the most exceptional people watching that Vegas has to offer. WE have Top of the Line Nightclubs, Elite Chefs that chose Las Vegas to display their culinary arts (Chef Kerry Simon (rest in peace), Chef Barry Dakake, Chef Rick Moonen, etc.), The Best DJ’s in the world, Live Music (Frankie Moreno- various venues throughout Vegas), Movie Theaters, Hiking in Red Rock, Skiing at Mount Charleston, Open Mic Spoken Word (I’ll be there), Plays, Comedy, SkyJump at Stratosphere, Cirque du Soleil, and did I mention bowling?
If you cannot find something to do while you’re in Vegas, you’re probably not looking hard enough. If all else fails, when I first moved here, LasVegasWeekly.com pointed me into the right direction.
Number 2: Weather
So your job brought you here… And it’s 8 degrees right now in the town you actually live. You see a Las Vegas local wearing their hat and gloves and think its cute, appropriate or somehow relevant for you to taunt them for being cold. It’s not. We don’t give a shit if it’s negative 100 degrees in your hometown. I’m cold and I’m allowed to be. No I don’t want to take a picture in my ‘mittens’ for you to post on your Facebook account so all your friends in Minnesota can patronize me anonymously by clicking ‘like’ as you poke fun.
“Honey, you don’t know what cold is. It was 12 degrees when I left Kansas on Tuesday.”
“Actually, … I’m from Nebraska and I DO know what cold is. That’s why I live here now.”
If seeing us bundled up in our winter wear makes you uncomfortable and you think we are pussies, spend a couple months in our summer when it’s 120 degrees. Look, I’m not complaining about our weather. I CHOSE to live here and you chose to visit. But mind your manners when coming to my town with your opinion on what I choose to cover my body with. Thanks.
Number 3: Residence versus Vacation
We get it. You’re fascinated with the media projected image of “What Happens Here Stays here” and you lack self control. But when you mutter the words, “I’ve been here for 4 days and cannot understand how anyone could actually live in this place,” you sound like an asshat. Literally. I picture your ass atop your head. In 3 days you managed to drink more alcohol than you do in 3 weeks. You’ve managed to allow the environment and the peer pressure of your colleagues to make decisions for you because ‘WE’RE IN VEGAS!! WOOOOO!!!’ Maybe you’re not into drinking. Maybe you blew all your money at the Blackjack table last night trying to impress your buddies and THAT is the reason you don’t think you could live here. You’re $12,000 in the hole from Blackjack and Spearmint Rhino and are almost positive that when your wife sees the Bank Statement she is going to lose her shit.
You’re right. You couldn’t live here. You have no self control. Us locals however, DO. Surprising right?
Number 4: This is NOT a petting zoo. All pretty women are not strippers, escorts, prostitutes, etc.
Vegas has a certain image, mostly projected by media outlets such as the film industry that makes films like ‘The Hangover’. You see women wearing the prom dress they never got to wear at prom and wouldn’t be caught dead wearing in ‘Kansas’ where they’re from. And the local women (a lot of them) leave the house looking their best when they are out on the town engaging in the nightlife or pool life. But here’s the plot twist, not every beautiful specimen here can be purchased and more so don’t want your stranger hands touching them. Oh, you’re one of those that believe that everyone has a price. Try Sheri’s Ranch. I read the reviews on Yelp and that’s probably more of what you’re looking for. P.S. Please read the reviews on Yelp. They’re hilarious!
Number 5: Enjoy Yourself without Expectation
If you have a friend that lives in Las Vegas or an acquaintance, give them some notice before expecting them to drop everything and hang out with you at the drop of a dime. Most of us are not on permanent vacation and still have to make a living and sleep at some point. We survive living here (See Number 3) because we respect the balance of responsibility and leisure. If you meet someone awesome that lives here and they are unable to join you for drinks, dinner, or what have you, don’t take it personal. In a 24 hour town, a traditional Sunday/Saturday weekend does not exist. Everyone operates on a different schedule here.
It’s not necessarily about where you are. It’s who you are WITH that determines whether or not you’ll enjoy yourself. You can be at one of the best clubs in the world, surrounded with shitty people and garbage music. If you love your circle, you’re going to have fun regardless. Money cannot buy that.
Good people + Good Vibes = AN EXTRAORDINARY EXPERIENCE.
In closing, the tourists are what make Las Vegas special. We appreciate you for coming and contributing to everything Las Vegas. I hope my humor shed some light on some things that Las Vegas locals are tired of hearing. We love our town and hope you love it too. But if you don’t.., don’t say it to a local. Just leave. You’re not a hostage.
Welcome to Las Vegas! Come again!