You are responsible for your progress and happiness. No one else is.
People whom claim they’re ‘tired’ of something (circumstance, relationship, location); yet make no efforts to change it, aren’t really tired. 😉
I’ve been dating my girlfriend now for almost 2 years. She’s a great girl and we get along great for the most part. We moved in together 6 months ago. I happen to have a great job because of the choices I made in my life early on that lead me to where I am. My girlfriend however is very unhappy with her financial situation and though she has grown dependent on me, it’s now also affecting our relationship. She does have a job and claims to have goals but she’s consistently comparing our incomes instead of our choices. I love her and want her to be happy. I don’t mind doing things for her but I would like to see her become more independent with her own goals so that we can solidify a future together. I’m happy but she’s not. I feel like maybe we should live apart again but I know she cannot afford to live without me. Without me she doesn’t have transportation to get to work or anything. I’ve become her parent. I hate it. How do I fix us before her personal unhappiness destroys us?
Signed, Hopeless in Houston
Dear Hopeless in Houston,
No matter how much you love this person, you are not responsible for her happiness. You both are responsible for yourselves. If she is this dependent on you, it begs me to ask, how was she supporting herself before you came along? If she made a way then, she will make a way without you. Resentment can build up if you feel trapped in a relationship because of your dependence on someone or their dependence on you. Hard times happen, but in a relationship where you are not married, you’re crippling your own progress by allowing someone else’s personal issues to make you feel bad for your success. Granted she may not be where she wants to be right now, but if she is working towards that goal, she needs to do it diligently instead of the guilt trip that is obviously working on you. Her happiness is dependent upon her. Not you. If you were married and problems arose, this is what you have to look forward to. A relationship is simply a preview of what marriage will be like. Keep that in mind. You don’t have to kick her out, but you’re not her caregiver or a cradle for her depression. Stop making excuses for her. Evaluation is in order.
I’m not an expert on relationships, love, or life; but I do know this; we only live once. And from experience I learned that I may not have been tired of something I claimed I was tired of. I did not change it. I stayed hoping it would change on its own. We as individuals often do not realize how powerful we are in our own lives. Every day is a new beginning. Sure you may not be able to walk out of the job you hate tomorrow. But what’s the point in complaining about the job if you do not intend to look for another or find ways to qualify yourself for the position. Want to be happy? Plan for it. Want to move to another place because where you live is too cold, too hot, too awesome for you? Plan for it. Nothing will happen if you simply sit in place complaining about it. YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE AND EVERY DECISION. Wherever you are, whomever you are with, at some point was a decision you said “YES” to.
There was a story someone told me once when I claimed I was tired of something and didn’t change it. I will do my best to recant it. It’s called….
“The Dog and the Nail”.
There was a man named ‘Adam’ walking down a street and approached a house where he saw a man named ‘John’ and his dog sitting on a porch. John’s dog was squirming around on the porch while crying in what seemed like horrendous pain.
1 day passed. Nothing changed. 2 days passed. Still howling. 3 days. 5 days. 1 week. 2 weeks. 1 month. Still howling, with no signs of stopping.
Adam was concerned for the dog so he approached the porch and asked John what was wrong with him and why he was crying out.
“He is sitting on a nail” – John stated.
Adam baffled looked at the dog and said, “Well then why doesn’t he just move?”.
“When it really hurts, and he’s really tired of the nail, he will”
People whom claim they’re ‘tired’ of something (circumstance, relationship, location); yet make no efforts to change it, aren’t really tired.