“No offense. Unless it applies.”
© http://KhalilahYasmin.com
I’ve written a blog on this in the past from both sides of the spectrum. Years ago it upset me when people said they were less attracted to their own race. I thought it was wrong to discriminate against your own ethnicity. To say “I want no one that looks like me” seemed insulting. I then referred to it as self-hatred.
I was wrong.
In the past year- I’ve discovered new experiences; both positive and negative. I am enlightened by both. Nothing is regret when you gain knowledge from it. You can say I have ‘experimented’ with ‘options’ in the past 14 months. I have always considered myself an equal opportunist yet found myself BACK THEN more attracted to Black men even though some of them frightened me by their levels of aggression.
So here’s my theory; we gravitate towards where we find peace and purpose. (Those of us that prefer peace). And subconsciously we teach our minds to avoid that which brings us pain or discomfort. ESPECIALLY if those situations were frequent and/or severe. I meet/see men everywhere of all nationalities, countries, and education backgrounds. Whether it is a night out, the post office or while on a walk.
I understand that a man that feels he “looks like me” will be more comfortable approaching me. But just because we look similar on the outside does not mean we will mesh on a mental or spiritual level.
Let me start by saying- I will always love my people but some of y’all are giving us ALL a bad name. If I had to record all of my experiences for the past 12 months and categorize them by comfort, interest and the race…My own people have been the most rude and ignorant in means to get my attention. It’s embarrassing and sad. They have also been abrasive upon admittance of disinterest. But those are simply MY experiences. My experiences do not count for every one as a whole.
The portrayal of black men in the media, music, and film has created an aggressive, flashy and disrespectful image that a lot of people are taking as their reality. That reality is not something we must accept by default. It does not compliment the image. It has progressively created a monster. A million of them that think that approaching a woman is a game. And if they do not win this game, the woman must be punished or a called names.
So because we are both black, and you see me walking with someone who isn’t, does not mean I chose his RACE, it means I chose his mind. I chose the way he treated me.
A friend of mine reminded me that a lot of women DO turn to an alternative based on the common experiences with their minority majority. She claims that some women turn to women for that deeper connection they do not feel with men.
And let me say this; it’s not a conscious decision that one makes as I previously thought. No one wakes up and says “F*ck Black Men”. Or even “F*ck Black Women”. It just doesn’t happen that way. It’s a gradual mind shift you don’t realize till you’re in route to your car and 4 black men corner you.
Till “what will happen if I say no” crosses your mind. Till “why am I a b*tch because YOU cannot talk intelligently to ME”. Until this pattern repeats itself with the same Earth-suit.
Or take for instance the young woman that recently was shot in DC because she refused her phone number to a man whom she found no interest in. Where does the aggression lie?
So I subconsciously found myself being attracted to ‘them’ less. From a cognitive stand point as stated earlier– this makes perfect sense.
Every once in a while- I will meet a man of my own ethnicity who will be respectful and blow my mind. But the MAJORITY is giving them a bad reputation.
I know this does not apply to all- it’s just my observation from my experiences as I have watched how I have now become more reclusive to that particular group.
What gets me interested? A man that can simultaneously blow my mind and looks passed the outer barrier. We should recognize that just because we look alike does not mean we ARE alike and are limited to options to simply choose what looks acceptable.
A man that judges a woman by her mind and NOT her Earth-suit that she did not pick off of some “body rack”.
Another friend told me that she has had unpleasant experiences with men whom were her race which was Caucasian. She claims Black men are nicer to her than her own. Does this mean that some people feel more comfortable with their own race so as to take them for granted? The family versus guest’s principle where we treat people we see as family less pleasant and do everything for the other person whom is new in our home? “Save the good towels for the guests, you live here; you go grab the one with the stain on it”.
Whether it is —White, Blue, Black, Red, Yellow, or Silver.
Could that justify the mentality? That we do not feel the need to respect our own?
There IS a such thing as being TOO comfortable.
I’m not making any definites. I’m simply stating…
I’ve changed my mind.
I don’t look down at my skin when I meet with your eyes,
This is just my experience, no offense, unless it applies.