KHALILAH YASMIN©

“Fly” © Khalilah-Yasmin
http://khalilahyasmin.com

I just want to be a fly on the wall of your mind
to let you mind f**k me from behind
to read me when I’m unaware
to be blinded yet clearly stare
to touch you without my hands
to be your ocean and you my land-ing destination
enticing me with mental penetration
You; my fantasy and my frustration.
To see you without my eyes,
to be wingless yet filled with butterflies
to hear you without my ears
to taste my wine, with silent cheers.
You, my fantasy and my frustration,
My forbidden and my elation.
I’m enamored and don’t know why,
he stole my wings yet with you I fly.

“Stillness”
©Khalilah-Yasmin
http://khalilahyasmin.com

I don’t want to be your everything.  I just want to be there until she shows up.
I want to, have you, gently, casually, open, AND abrupt.

I want to silence my mind, but it won’t shut up,
I don’t want you forever, just until he shows up.

I don’t want all of your time, just the downtime in between.
Can I?
Come closer to you, to your shade of green.

I don’t want to live in your grass, I just want to lay..
I’m afraid of my words and what else to say.
I don’t want to say too much and scare you away,
but if I don’t say enough, you may not stay.

So keep it a secret, I must, to lose you I fear,
my curiosity obvious, my words sincere.
I want to know you, mentally, physically, sweet and abrupt,
I don’t want to be your everything.  I just want to be there until she shows up.

I look in your eyes, and something is there.
I want to look at least 50 more times, for I think that it’s fair.
To let you run fingers, wet through my hair,
to relax in your lap, to exist in your air.

I care, but I don’t love you.
within my body, I want to shove you,
within my mind, I want to learn your ways,
I don’t want to spend nights, I’d rather spend days.

I want to gaze.. at you.  And your “stillness”.

“Finish Last” ©2009 Khalilah-Yasmin
http://khalilahyasmin.com

It aches me everyday, even though it was me, who told you to go away,
and leave me alone if to torment me was your only purpose in using the phone.
Or to bone, when the girl that loved you most became your whore,
wanting to please you, never stopping, yet loving you more.
Years cannot erase a love this strong, for once I had you, I had already waited too long.
But it was wrong, for me to be,
with you,
I thought you were one of my dreams that finally came true.
Until I realized unrequited love is a nightmare of sorts,
I placed my tears in your hands and you had no remorse.
But of course, you say, it was my choice to love you so deep,
to watch you with amazement, when you sleep -when you speak.

But what was I to you?  Sex slave and companion expendable,
a lie to keep me quiet, a heart that now is unmendable.

I don’t know which memory I miss the most
as I look to your side of the bed and I see your ghost.
As I sip my own wine, and to goodbye I toast.

I should be happy, not taken for granted anymore,
Just the girl that became a woman, demoted from fiancé’ to whore.
When with me, you gained position you never earned.
as I’m like Usher, but I can’t “let it Burn“.
For  now the heart that I had is obliterated, with Keloid tissue
smiling each day in denial, because it’s pathetic to miss you.

To miss you, he who, never gave a GOT DAMN,
whom I was never enough for, and tried to change what I am.
Tell you this, never, why feed your arrogant perception,
when I was merely set up for my heart’s own deception.
Washing the sheets every night because I swear it’s you I still smell,
wondering how you’re oblivious to my heart that’s in Hell.

A heart broken four times, by the same man, is a fool,
My mind put a restraining order on you, and your tool.
Forbidden to go where I think you may be,
Forbidden to think for too long, afraid of what I may see.

Years cannot erase a love this strong, for once I had you, I had waited too long.
But it was wrong, for me to be,
with you,
I thought you were one of my dreams that finally came true.
Until I realized unrequited love is a nightmare of sorts,
I placed my tears in your hands and you had no remorse.
But of course, you say, it was my choice to love you so deep,
to watch you with amazement, when you sleep when you speak

I don’t know which memory I miss the most
as I look to your side of the bed and I see your ghost.

I attempt to consciously bury you in a time capsule in my past,
and reaffirm the fact that Nice girls also FINISH LAST.

“Lucid Dreamer” © Khalilah-Yasmin

Even though; it has been months since I last kissed your face,
Even if I cried silently during our last warm embrace.
Even though; you never loved me back, I never loved another more,
Even if you were my heart, and treated me like your whore.

I loved you.

I loved you passed my heart, in places passed my mind;
I loved you deeply in places I wish that I could find.
For if I could find the place in me that my love resides,
I’d dig and remove you and each thread, you left behind.

But I find, you… waiting for me in my sleep,
I wake from my dream with my heart often weak.
My dreams are not sweet, my reality in denial,
in all your torment, you still bring an immaculate smile.

I loved you.
Even if you never felt the same, I’m fighting with my soul
when it calls out your name.

“A.K.A. Richard” © Khalilah-Yasmin

Something is missing,
ever since I made you leave,
I contemplate the season
I made you the air that I breathe.
I reminisce of love and see how it was,
I’m aware of the miracle and damage it does.

I see a smile,
that you flooded with a fury of tears,
I can feel that moment
that took away all our years.

Something is missing,
ever since I last kissed your face,
I contemplate your presence alone,
making my heart race.
I reminisce of love;
the deepest ever fathomed,
I’m aware of your spell
and in awe with your tandem.

I see a girl;
naive with a heart that is full,
whom she freed upon a boy
whom was full of BULL-

SHIT, was what you fed me
when I was hungry for sincerity,
an agape attachment immaculate
detached by your ignorant severity.

Something is missing,
ever since you were last inside me,
I was so OUTSIDE MYSELF
that my soul stood behind me.
I reminisce of love;
and the prison you left me in,
I would have gave you my life
you weren’t even a good friend.

I see a smile, I lost,
when I let you shake my world,
I see Riedells, I see Rims,
I see a weak ass S-Curl.
I realize what I miss,
not you or your SHIT,
But I hate that you fit,
as I come to the conclusion….

I just miss your “DICK”….

“AKA Richard”

“Suburbs” Written by Khalilah Yasmin
http://KhalilahYasmin.com
©

Today’s another holiday;
everyone around me cheery and excited,
I face my fate with apprehension
not thankful to be invited.
For this is my twenty fourth Christmas,
and nothing has changed;
He knows my birthday
yet my own father mispronounces my name.
Surrounded by a room of strangers
whom look just like me,
they share stories and pictures,
but no memory of me.

For this is only Christmas,
my third time seeing “Dad” this year,
my sadness becomes anger
so “why am I here”?
Conversation with me scripted,
so I stopped answering the phone,
He never tried to know me
I grew up alone-
But hey I turned out pretty awesome
and my favorite color is blue.
Your gift of verse passed down to me,
and I look just like you.

Today, Yesterday, and may be your twin stranger forever,
I’ve lost interest in your family tree, and spending time together.
Because I called you in tears
when I was twenty five,
Thanks Dad for only being concerned
whether I was alive.

You should know my dreams,
and that you were my tears,
I wanted to have you like “THEY DID”
for so many years.
But you tucked me away in the ’suburbs’
I never had a family,
I’ve accepted this finally, as I walk away gladly.
Instead of being surrounded by a room of strangers,

and a Dad more concerned with his other six,
I kept it at the top but now I’m removing you from my one life wish…
I’m moving away, and you’ll only know when you find this poem,
don’t bother finding me, for I’m happy, and want to be left alone.
I tried to talk to you, you didn’t want to hear my plea,
you, my father, and a stranger that looks just like me.