KHALILAH YASMIN©

As temptation led me, and my heart followed your path,
added desire, love, and lust, to an evil trail of math.

The offer you held in your hand, was a gift and a curse,
upon approaching you I recited bible verses,
for no one rehearses the day they give away their soul
and all they have to offer to a heart that was cold.

And I like a child, who had been lured down this maze,
saw the sweets that you held, intrigued I fell in a daze…
I wanted to play, in your Pandora’s Box,
fascinated with glee, to run my fingers through your locks.
You sly as a fox, and I was your rabbit,
as if I approached you naked and allowed you to grab it.
I wanted you to have it, and ignored the snakes in your eyes,
ignorance is bliss yet in my case, I forced a disguise.

I pretended your evil ambitions were in my imagination,
for yours was the touch that led to my masturbation.
So you had my mind, before you had my body,
stringing my heart into your celebration.

All of my possessions I laid out before you,
and as I watched you hurt me, I still couldn’t help but adore you.
Who are you? I asked myself inside of my mind,
willingly donating my pussy, and leaving all else behind.

Fascinated with glee to run my fingers through your locks,
open arm, wide nosed to play in your Pandora’s Box.
Lord could have warned me, of your gift and your curse.
Searching my mind with prayer as I now again, recite bible verse.
I pretended I didn’t see the danger for ignorance was my bliss,
I fell a fool to you forever, for you gave me Satan’s Kiss.

“Satan’s Kiss”

( I wrote and shared this 2 years ago and got some interesting feedback. I have since changed slightly….and developed more appreciation for other religions. My mind has become more open and yet still I’ve found the religious it seems are often, quite confrontational on wanting you to believe in THEIR GOD, or live life according to what THEIR pastor told them. I believe it’s something that is self discovered through one’s own spirituality. I Don’t think it should be forced. Advising someone is fine, but where is the limit?_……………)

Heaven or Hell? Do they exist?
Current mood: calm
Category: Religion and Philosophy

I’ve always been a spiritual person. I’m not sure if my environment influenced me or not. I believe in God. Period. I believe that we are all here for a purpose. But there’s sooo many different beliefs out there, how does one know which is right? I’ve met and conversed with all sorts of people. I’ve been to many churches and watched how they interpret ONE Bible. I grew up Baptist, to a C.O.G.I.C raised family who raised me under both principles. Not until I became an Adult did I find a church that I felt matched my beliefs while also making sense of life. The church was non denominational, so that’s what I now consider myself. Plain Christian. This church teaches primary that we control our destiny’s thru our beliefs. What we think will happen; will happen. What we say with our mouths, will come to fruitation. If you plan to be poor and belief for that, it surely will happen. If you plan to be successful, and think successful thoughts, the universe will have no choice to give you success. It will begin to chase you. Yes they also teach God’s word….but not in a cult, pushy way. I’ve only found ONE church that made me 100% comfortable.

A lot of religions believe in so many sub-rules, and “if you don’t do this, this will happen to you”. And so on. I’m not perfect, but how can a preacher tell me that if I don’t live my life 100% according to the Bible, that God will NOT answer my prayers? I’ve been told this and haven’t returned to that church because who answered my prayers then? When I prayed for something specific to happen, and it happen just that way, who did it? And if God didn’t do it, then is that why a lot of people don’t believe there is one?

I don’t criticize ANY religion. I don’t criticize any belief as long as it’s not causing harm to another person. If you want to be Gay, Lesbian, Bi-sexual, be you and be happy. It does not affect me. If you don’t believe in God, If you don’t believe in Budda, the Bible, or the Koran….etc. We all have to answer to ourselves everyday, and we’ll find out, who is at the end….

In December 2006 I watched a show on ABC, or one of those broadcasting stations; anyway, It was hosted by Barbara Walters, and was called “Heaven or Hell, Does it exist, and where”?

The program ran about 2 hours and covered many different religions, from Christian, Baptist, Islam, Catholic, to Buddist…….

We also now have Scientology….. (?)

She asked the same questions to each of her chosen representatives from each religion. Questions like “Do you believe in God”…… And “If people don’t believe in YOUR God, are they all going to Hell?”

The responses were not surprising, but watching a program based on such different religions was quite informative and insightful. With the thousands of religions out there, how difficult is it for any human to pick one and decide that this is the one that won’t send me to Hell?

How with so many religions does one even still decide to believe in God? Is this why so many people I’ve ran across do not. Is it the numerous choices that make it hard to believe that ONE is actually correct.

A friend of mine that was “Athiest” interuppted my praising God for my blessings and prayers being answered. Their response made sense, even though I didn’t agree. And since I’m EXTREMELY Open Minded and Liberal, I heard them out. This friend said, “Khalilah, why do you think ‘God’ answered your prayer and gave you this new found faith? Why is it not possible that your own efforts and change of mind lead you to the state of mind and circumstance that you find yourself in”?

They had a point. But I still believe that God answers my prayers. But then that brings me back to the church here in Omaha that I attended that preached a WHOLE sermon on, “If you’re not 100% saved and living according to God’s word, God WILL NOT answer your prayers”.

Well someone hears me. Someone is answering my prayers. I’m full of faith. I’m full of spirit. And I still and always will, Love God.

What do you think? Anyone see that Barbara Walters special in December?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_religions

Somehow this may offend some people, and frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn..

If you’ve read any of my previous Notes/Blogs, you know me by now..and I’m allergic to Bull Shit. And I like to smile after I say things I’m absolutely sure about.

So, I’m curious, and don’t judge a WOMAN or a MAN for liking sex as a sport. But, I however don’t. I admit, I write erotic poetry, stories, and have an imagination like you wouldn’t believe. BUUUUT that doesn’t mean everyone gets to enjoy these visions, these moments, or fantasies. I prefer to do them in Love, and have done them OUT of love.. BUUUT everyone ! EVERYONE that I have let come within 2 feet of me, Grabbed my MIND.

I didn’t chose to be this way. It just is how I am. You can be as fine as frog’s hair, but if you can’t make my mind shiver..or “wet” if you may…the rest of my body is unresponsive.

Sometimes I wonder, “What would it be like to be a “hoe”… or promiscuous”. “Is there something wrong with me, because I need to have chemistry with someone to even want their lips upon mine”?

Yes, I’m human, I’ve seen a man whom upon first sight I was like, “I want him NOW”…

Thank God, though, he said something stupid that blew it.

Buuut, in my NUMEROUS experiences of people watching, testing, and experimenting, I’ve found that Platonic friends are becoming more and more rare. Is every man just a “Dick in a box” waiting to be broken for emergency use?

It’s as if you can’t say anything to them to get them to understand “DUDE, you’re in the FRIEND ZONE”.

I’ve went as far as saying, “I’m currently intimate with someone else whom curls my toes into cramps, there’s nothing you can do for me”.

Even when I was in a relationship… Its as if most men are just pretending… to be your friend until they think the window of opportunity has opened. So yes, I admit, I LIE! I tell men I’m in a relationship to get them to leave me alone. Because I know, if he hasn’t got my attention as of yet, he will not.. I see what he’s after, and I’m NOT INTERESTED.

Before I involve myself in ANY type of a relationship, EVER AGAIN, He’s going to be my FRIEND first. He’s going to know me, candidly. And I him. He’s going to have to know my mind, before he can handle my body. Handle my feelings… I’m going to be able to talk to him about other men, and he with me about other women. Because that’s who I am. I know what I WANT. And won’t settle for less. I don’t know it, until I FEEL it. So no, I can’t tell you what it is, so that you can pretend to BE IT.

Why can’t we be friends? Why do you HAVE TO feel the need to bring up sex? then get mad when I never call again? We live in such a microwave age that everyone is sooooooooo fast. And that’s FINE for some. But when a woman or man says NO, stop! For the love of God! STOP!

Disclaimer: This is directed at both sexes. The names have been changed to protect the guilty.

I hold my head high, and don’t care if you happen to see me cry…  I’m going to be REAL whether you like it or not.

So, The past 10 years of my life, I’ve dealt with A LOT of ups and downs… some of which could have been avoided if I had listened to my SPIRIT… from physical abuse, mental abuse, financial hardship, deceptions, loneliness, ….  But you can’t tell by looking at me …    and I thank GOD For that.

I was told by a friend, that the hardships I’ve endured since birth have prepared me for what God has for me. They have made me hurt so so so much, that I never want another to feel what I have felt and so I’m careful and tread lightly with people, whether I care about them or not.I’m aware of why he put me here and gave me writing as a gift…  TO REACH YOU.

But I wrote about that already.  This blog is about the impact we make on others lives.  How many of us take the time to smile at others or offer an encouraging word?  How many of us, GET OFF, by bringing someone else down?  I’ll wait…..

And since I’m not there with you to read your thoughts, only you know which side of the impact you are on.  Some of us are so so careless in the things we say to others and how we treat them, that we fail to see, WE may be the lingering word they were holding on.   Oh what, don’t think it’s possible?  I’m proof.  Imagine this scenario…  I’m sure you’ve heard the story before…  :The boy whom was ridiculed in High School by his peers and lived in a broken family situation. (which is more common than most realize)….  well here this boy is, we’ll call him, Robert.  Robert is walking home from school carrying his books in tow, and they all fall….  Someone comes to help Robert with a smile to pick up his books.  And that ONE GESTURE stopped Robert from committing suicide that afternoon and he shared his story at his high school graduation.  He made a friend that day his books fell, and a friend is ALL ROBERT wanted/needed.

It’s not just about him being a high school student.  Robert can be you, a woman, a man, or just someone who’s been dealt a bad deck of cards…  It can be a neighbor, a blind man in passing, someone whom always wears a smile and cracks jokes can even be ROBERT.Stop the selfishness already.  Start being selfless.  There is someone out there that may be crying out to you….  ONE GESTURE is all it takes sometimes to make a change in someone’s life.   Choose to Befriend instead of belittle.  Choose to forgive instead of Revenge.  STOP BREAKING EACH OTHER DOWN WITH YOUR PRIDE!  Sticks and Stones hurt yes, but those bruises heal, Words often times do not.  They sink in deep.  You never know what someone is going through or has been through.  Your ONE act of RANDOM KINDNESS could be the difference it makes….

Which side of the influence do you want to be on? The one to uplift or the one to destroy? We’ve enough out there in today’s world that destroys us….
You may end up helping yourself….

I know first hand, I have been Robert before.  Don’t judge a book by it’s cover, our souls are there within….

“Insanity”

You and I were never any good for each other,
I’m losing your friendship,
and you want me as your lover.
How do I love you blindly,
and ignore my hearts clutter,
and the ignorant insults you let your mouth mutter.
It’s good for 24 hours, then again you mistreat me,
Never do I remember of, off my feet you sweep me.
But you do just enough to get by….and keep me?
One minute I’m your sweetie, but when you neglect me, U call me needy…
Well I don’t need the constant Bull shit that you feed me.
Into infinite insanity I watch you lead me.

I’m losing your friendship, but You say be “grateful” I’m your lover,
You and I were NEVER any good for one another.