KHALILAH YASMIN©

July 25, 2010

K~Y T.O.T.D: “Know When to Walk Away”

Filed under: Random Blogs — khalilahyasmin @ 4:16 pm



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“Know when to walk away…”© KhalilahYasmin.com

We’ve all been there.  We’ve all wanted something; an object, a friendship, promotion, or a person. Everyone has had a crush or fell in love with someone.  Most likely everyone has met someone that they could not stop thinking about.  But what if that person is not thinking about you?  How do you react?  Do you insist?  Do you walk away?  I’m not asking for advice.  I know what I do.  But have you ever taken a moment to look at how YOU react?

We are taught to fight for what we want.  But there is a limit in the situations to which to hold that regard.  You cannot fight for something that was never yours to begin with.  You cannot argue someone into falling in love with you.

If someone has blatantly told you that they do not have interest in you, what sense is it in forcing your ideals on them and how “perfect you would be for one another”?

Relationships are the force keeping the universe going.  There’s an energy between each relationship that some of us are not even aware exists.  I am not speaking just about romantic relationships.  There are relationships such as friends, coworkers, and even strangers form a type of relationship even if briefly.

The definition of a relationship is simply how two separate entities connect to one another. The depth of that connection is irrelevant.

There comes a point when you have to walk away.  Walking away does not mean you have to make a 2 am scene in the middle of a hotel in Miami because a girl wouldn’t let you spend the night.  ;-)

Walking away is done in the mind before it is done in the body.  You have to know when your sanity is worth more than the object or person in front of you that you deem important. 

While they say there is someone for everyone, you will not FIND that person if you are constantly trying to force feed yourself to someone who has either shown you or told you that they do not want you.

Take the relation-shit for an example; a relationship that is not going anywhere.  Know when to walk away.  If you’re tears outweigh your smiles, it’s time to walk away.  This is not the person you want to marry just because you do not want to be alone.  Just because you want financial security.

Would it make sense to insist someone or something that in the long run will cause you more pain than it will pleasure?  They say be cautious to what you wish for, because you just may get it.  So if you finally get “John” and he lies and cheats on you all the time because he initially told you, “I don’t feel the same as you”.  Do you deserve it?  Yes.  Because you forced it and he was honest. You decided to settle.

When we are born, most of us are born alone.  (I say most because there’s a smart ass somewhere that’s going to mention twins to me).   It is great to find someone that is equally yoked with you, yet there is no satisfaction in damaging another because someone broke your heart.

Your world should not crumble because someone does not see with the same set of eyes.

They say many of us want what we cannot have.  By all means aim for your dreams for they are attainable. People however, cannot be forced.

Just live. Be yourself. And hope someone will take notice.  It’s really that simple. 

Walk away with your heart and your mind so that your feet will follow. Know when to walk away.  

May 6, 2010

No Offense-Unless it Applies

Filed under: Random Blogs — khalilahyasmin @ 9:46 pm


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“No offense.  Unless it applies.”


© http://KhalilahYasmin.com

I’ve written a blog on this in the past from both sides of the spectrum. Years ago it upset me when people said they were less attracted to their own race. I thought it was wrong to discriminate against your own ethnicity.  To say “I want no one that looks like me” seemed insulting.  I then referred to it as self-hatred.

I was wrong.

In the past year- I’ve discovered new experiences; both positive and negative. I am enlightened by both. Nothing is regret when you gain knowledge from it.  You can say I have ‘experimented’ with ‘options’ in the past 14 months.  I have always considered myself an equal opportunist yet found myself BACK THEN more attracted to Black men even though some of them frightened me by their levels of  aggression.

So here’s my theory; we gravitate towards where we find peace and purpose. (Those of us that prefer peace). And subconsciously we teach our minds to avoid that which brings us pain or discomfort. ESPECIALLY if those situations were frequent and/or severe. I meet/see men everywhere of all nationalities, countries, and education backgrounds. Whether it is a night out, the post office or while on a walk. 

I understand that a man that feels he “looks like me” will be more comfortable approaching me.  But just because we look similar on the outside does not mean we will mesh on a mental or spiritual level.

Let me start by saying- I will always love my people but some of y’all are giving us ALL a bad name. If I had to record all of my experiences for the past 12 months and categorize them by comfort, interest and the race…My own people have been the most rude and ignorant in means to get my attention. It’s embarrassing and sad.  They have also been abrasive upon admittance of disinterest. But those are simply MY experiences.  My experiences do not count for every one as a whole.

The portrayal of black men in the media, music, and film has created an aggressive, flashy and disrespectful image that a lot of people are taking as their reality.  That reality is not something we must accept by default.  It does not compliment the image. It has progressively created a monster.  A million of them that think that approaching a woman is a game.  And if they do not win this game, the woman must be punished or a called names.

So because we are both black, and you see me walking with someone who isn’t, does not mean I chose his RACE, it means I chose his mind.  I chose the way he treated me.

 

A friend of mine reminded me that a lot of women DO turn to an alternative based on the common experiences with their minority majority.  She claims that some women turn to women for that deeper connection they do not feel with men.

And let me say this; it’s not a conscious decision that one makes as I previously thought. No one wakes up and says “F*ck Black Men”. Or even “F*ck Black Women”. It just doesn’t happen that way. It’s a gradual mind shift you don’t realize till you’re in route to your car and 4 black men corner you.

Till “what will happen if I say no” crosses your mind. Till “why am I a b*tch because YOU cannot talk intelligently to ME”.  Until this pattern repeats itself with the same Earth-suit.

 

Or take for instance the young woman that recently was shot in DC because she refused her phone number to a man whom she found no interest in.  Where does the aggression lie? 

So I subconsciously found myself being attracted to ‘them’ less. From a cognitive stand point as stated earlier– this makes perfect sense.

Every once in a while- I will meet a man of my own ethnicity who will be respectful and blow my mind. But the MAJORITY is giving them a bad reputation.

I know this does not apply to all- it’s just my observation from my experiences as I have watched how I have now become more reclusive to that particular group.

What gets me interested? A man that can simultaneously blow my mind and looks passed the outer barrier.  We should recognize that just because we look alike does not mean we ARE alike and are limited to options to simply choose what looks acceptable.

 

A man that judges a woman by her mind and NOT her Earth-suit that she did not pick off of some “body rack”.

Another friend told me that she has had unpleasant experiences with men whom were her race which was Caucasian.  She claims Black men are nicer to her than her own.   Does this mean that some people feel more comfortable with their own race so as to take them for granted?  The family versus guest’s principle where we treat people we see as family less pleasant and do everything for the other person whom is new in our home?  “Save the good towels for the guests, you live here; you go grab the one with the stain on it”.

 

Whether it is —White, Blue, Black, Red, Yellow, or Silver.

Could that justify the mentality?  That we do not feel the need to respect our own?  

There IS a such thing as being TOO comfortable.

 

I’m not making any definites. I’m simply stating…

I’ve changed my mind.

 

 

I don’t look down at my skin when I meet with your eyes,

This is just my experience, no offense, unless it applies.  

February 25, 2010

K~Y Thought of the Day: “Value-Look DEEPER”

Filed under: Random Blogs — khalilahyasmin @ 12:16 am

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Letters to the World-From the World-

“Value; LOOK DEEPER”

http://KhalilahYasmin.com

I woke up today and remembered a dream that I have frequently.  I dream about someone that mattered to me and was taken from me.  And that dream got me to thinking about ‘value’.  As I look around me and the world we live in, a lot of our values are distorted.

The way in which we judge our significant others, our friends, and the people we choose to entertain, is taken very lightly.  It saddens me. While it is not uncommon anymore to see a woman with a man just for his finances, what about when they run out?   The same can be said about a man for a woman.  Many people place value on things that are not constant and everlasting.  I’m not about to give you the paddy cake riddle that ‘It’s what’s on the inside that counts’.

Allow me to go deeper.

Since I was a child, I was always very observant of people and my surroundings.  I stare. I dream. I imagine.  I began a game with myself for fun that I would imagine everyone I know, in an assembly line as long as it could go filled with people I know.  They all are lined up, naked, bald, and void of all material possessions.  If we could see the people around us in this way, it would allow us to see what we really like/dislike about the person.

Take for instance, the “Good Hair” phenomenon.  How many men AND women would not be as aesthetically pleasing to you if it were not for their clothes, hair, and make up?

What about Tyrone?  He hits on you every time you see him at Roscoe’s.  You turn your nose at him simply because ‘he looks like he cannot even purchase a meal’.  Why can’t you be his friend?

Sure, he’s simply a waiter (as far as you can see)… But what if Tyrone came into $30 Million dollars and started driving a Lamborghini to his part time job at Roscoe’s?  Is that when you’d decide to finally give him your number and get to know him?

Or do you take a chance on Tyrone and find out that Tyrone is a lot more than what he appears to be on the outside?

Allow me to flip it. 

So you’re dating Renee’.  She’s beautiful on the outside.  Her parents are wealthy, and by association so is she.  She never needs anything from you financially. And you enjoy being around her because of the attention you get to be on the arm of a beautiful woman.  Do you enjoy Renee’s conversation?  If she were to undergo surgery that destroyed her good looks, would you still find yourself with her?  Be honest. Not with me, with yourself.

John is a successful basketball player about to sign a major contract.  Would you still be his girlfriend if he had not been scouted that day?  If he was still playing street ball at the neighborhood park and working at Best Buy, would he still have the same value to you?

I performed an experiment a month ago.  I went shopping yet was dressed in sweats, and tennis shoes.  Nothing fancy.  I purposely made myself look simple to see whom would help me in the clothing stores I went to.  I had PLENTY of money to purchase anything that I wanted.  And out of 6 stores, it was the last store that finally decided to not take me at face value.  I asked people for help in each of the stores. I told them what I was looking for and was treated as if I was a bother. The last saleswoman helped me and I explained to her my story.

This weekend I went to the same stores, but I was dressed in clothing that made more of statement.  I made it a point to simply walk in the stores that I went in before.  I was thoroughly responded to…

How many people pass up potential over the basis of material possessions?

And who are you putting UP with based on what they have?  

MY POINT:

You cannot obtain success by sitting in the lap of someone successful.  You are not rich because the person you are dating is.  Beauty fades.  Beauty is accidental and most importantly FRAGILE-

So I ask you to do this, RIGHT NOW, Close your eyes or look into the distance, imagine 5-10 people that you are close to or find ‘value’ in.  Line them up side by side in your imagination, remove their clothes, remove their hair, and material possessions. Lastly, remove their face. 

Is this someone you would still choose?  IS there anything WITHIN them that complements or intrigues you? 

Personally, I practice this exercise daily as second nature.  So if you’re in my life and I make time for you, it’s because I’ve lined you up, I’ve removed all of your clothes, shaved your head, burned your wallet, erased your face and still found something worth keeping….  YOU.

(If this touched you- feel free to share)

Peace upon and within, K~Y

October 14, 2009

K~Y Thought of the Day: Why are YOU single?

Filed under: Random Blogs — khalilahyasmin @ 11:52 pm



     K~Y Thought of the Day: “Why are you Single”? 

Ladies and Gentleman.  Single and Taken.  Cheating and Faithful…  I’m sure it’s been said to you a time or two at some point in your life…  The infamous annoying question; “Why are you single”?

 

If you are trying to engage in conversation with a young lady, one of the last things to do would be to ask a question that implies some sort of insult or lack of relationship capabilities?  Are we not supposed to be single at some point in our lives to find a better understanding of what we want or what we do NOT WANT?  Why is it the plague to be single anymore?  Have the Pretty Ricky, R.Kelly, and Atlantic Starr songs made us think that in order to be desirable we need to go from relationship to relationship with no gap in between? 

When in a relationship, I give A LOT if not TOO MUCH of myself as I’m sure many of you do.  And I am ALL FOR RELATIONSHIPS.  I think it is great when two people that are MUTUALLY into one another can connect monogamously and grow together.

 

I also, however, believe it necessary to be single for a while.  We have to know who we are before we can accept another person.  We do not complete one another, we complement one another.  WE are a whole person by ourselves.  I for one LOATE the question because THIS IS MY FIRST TIME SINGLE~  Let me enjoy my low blood pressure, my lusting over Ryan Reynolds, my stalker free lifestyle, weaning out the idiots while enjoying the AMAZING, not having a curfew, not being questioned about ANYTHING EVER. 

If a woman is CONSTANTLY in a relationship and flirting enough for you to engage in a lot of extra-curricular conversation with SINGLE men… then my dear, THAT is the woman that you need to be weary of.  Not the one who is FINALLY BROKEN FROM SATAN’s LAIR.  Perhaps that was harsh?   So what my friends and I may have nicknamed an X of mine “Massa” because I was not allowed to even talk on the phone in his presence or pee without permission.  SO yes, I’m single.  I enjoy Khalilah right now.  I love Khalilah right now.  I am finding out who I am and will never let anyone else define me. For me to commit to someone now would be unfair to them  and myself.   I do not go out a lot or feel the need to FIND a man.  I like having friends, acquaintances and  people that genuinely care for me. Time for ourselves is needed. I consider it a bit of a psychological dependency if there is a person; man or woman, that is constantly in relationships.

 

For more information on better pick up lines; even Notorious B.I.G. had a decent amount of ‘game’. : “As soon as he buy that wine, I just sneak up from behind and ask you what your interests are…  things that make you smile, what numbers to dial…”.  

Proverbs 18: 22: He who finds a wife finds a good thing. And obtains favor from the LORD.

 

So I’m not looking for a man.  A man is looking for me. I’m enjoying life and letting things happen NATURALLY!   So why am I single?  Because you’re asking all the wrong questions… 

 

Take TIME for YOU.    Love, K~Y

April 28, 2009

IS it written?

Filed under: Random Blogs — khalilahyasmin @ 2:43 am

“Is it Written”?
—-Khalilah Yasmin

FOR EVERY CAUSE THERE’S AN EFFECT…

FOR EVERY ACTION A REACTION….

DO YOU BELIEVE IN THE LAW OF ATTRACTION?

I’m one whom reads a lot of books, and without reading, since I was a child, I have had this sixth sense if you will.  I’ve always known what I was going to be.  And saw my life, before it saw me.  But I will come back to that.  Months ago, I was sitting with a platonic friend and having breakfast.  He said to me, “Do you realize that from the day we met, both of our lives were changed?” He continued, “you could be anywhere else right now, but you chose to spend your time with me. And because you spent your time with me instead of your other plans, your future is changed”. I shrugged him off, and let him explain.

He explained, “Every person we meet, has a hand in our future if we make contact with them”.  Every one we pass, every hand we shake, conversation that is had, word we read, shapes the Universe surrounding us.  There are decisions that are made, due to “said person” being in your life, that say, you wouldn’t have made without their “seemingly” MINOR influence.

I’m about to get philosophical on you for a moment if you let me.  The future is subject to change….  Your life could already be written.  But what if, you turn left when you were supposed to go right?  And what if it was ONE person’s phone call that prevented you from taking that “flight”?  What if you were late, because of something, and being late, for that event, job, or meeting, caused your whole life to be changed….?  You could have met with someone that you wouldn’t have met otherwise, that changed your life forever…    which ties us all together.  We all are effecting each other, silently, whether we realize it or not.  Even those we don’t talk to, or make connection with.  We are effected.   I think it’s a beautiful thing.  But in some ways it can be dangerous.

Picture this…  Imagine, you’re a young business man, about to get married, and you have a wonderful fiance’.  You’re excited to marry this woman.  You’re on a business trip.  The pilot; a man you do not know, is ill today due to his child bringing home the flu…    The pilot is late.  Your flight is delayed, causing you to take another flight, and sit next to another business woman, whom has so much in common with you….  more so that said fiance’.  Instant attraction, chemistry….     You find out this woman is someone from your childhood.

Your left shoulder tells you, “No…you’re happy at home”…  Your right shoulder tells you, “But why is it even crossing my mind to keep in touch with this woman I’m attracted to?”.   And that meeting alone, whether you proceed or not, changed your life because YOU THOUGHT ABOUT IT.  This situation… all due to a pilot being late for his shift, shifted everyone’s future.  And now, many lives are changed…  And the husband to be, is now unsure of his love for his wife.  And depending on his and her decisions, this woman COULD end up being the one….

I’ve learned to be happy for every situation in my life.  Even the heart ache, and trials, for they made me who I am.  Every person I’ve connected with and shared conversation or smile with, contributed to me in some way.  I’ve avoided tragedy and dangerous events due to something that seemed detrimental at the time….

I once avoided a car accident, because my car wouldn’t start….  leading it to cause on fire while I was driving it years ago.  Had it not been for the people that were put in my path that day, to see the flames coming from my engine, I may not be here.   Had it not been for the neighbors I had, while living in an abusive marriage, I may not be here.   I can go on….

So, everyone you know, every number in your phone.  Every person on your job, has a assignment somehow to you.  It’s not a coincidence.   Your future is subject to change depending on everyone around you.

You could be the best dancer in the world, and have a friend with a drinking problem that you’re unaware of, that leads you to getting in a horrible accident that leads to “you no longer being able to perform”.  Domino effect.

So if someone chooses to spend “time” with you, or on you.  Respect and appreciate that “time”.  Time is not returned to us….  and because of that time spent, you and they are forever changed.

Don’t take anything or anyone for granted.  We all are very important to each other.  It is written.

March 12, 2009

Heaven and Hell, Do they exist?

Filed under: Random Blogs — khalilahyasmin @ 2:23 pm

( I wrote and shared this 2 years ago and got some interesting feedback. I have since changed slightly….and developed more appreciation for other religions. My mind has become more open and yet still I’ve found the religious it seems are often, quite confrontational on wanting you to believe in THEIR GOD, or live life according to what THEIR pastor told them. I believe it’s something that is self discovered through one’s own spirituality. I Don’t think it should be forced. Advising someone is fine, but where is the limit?_……………)

Heaven or Hell? Do they exist?
Current mood: calm
Category: Religion and Philosophy

I’ve always been a spiritual person. I’m not sure if my environment influenced me or not. I believe in God. Period. I believe that we are all here for a purpose. But there’s sooo many different beliefs out there, how does one know which is right? I’ve met and conversed with all sorts of people. I’ve been to many churches and watched how they interpret ONE Bible. I grew up Baptist, to a C.O.G.I.C raised family who raised me under both principles. Not until I became an Adult did I find a church that I felt matched my beliefs while also making sense of life. The church was non denominational, so that’s what I now consider myself. Plain Christian. This church teaches primary that we control our destiny’s thru our beliefs. What we think will happen; will happen. What we say with our mouths, will come to fruitation. If you plan to be poor and belief for that, it surely will happen. If you plan to be successful, and think successful thoughts, the universe will have no choice to give you success. It will begin to chase you. Yes they also teach God’s word….but not in a cult, pushy way. I’ve only found ONE church that made me 100% comfortable.

A lot of religions believe in so many sub-rules, and “if you don’t do this, this will happen to you”. And so on. I’m not perfect, but how can a preacher tell me that if I don’t live my life 100% according to the Bible, that God will NOT answer my prayers? I’ve been told this and haven’t returned to that church because who answered my prayers then? When I prayed for something specific to happen, and it happen just that way, who did it? And if God didn’t do it, then is that why a lot of people don’t believe there is one?

I don’t criticize ANY religion. I don’t criticize any belief as long as it’s not causing harm to another person. If you want to be Gay, Lesbian, Bi-sexual, be you and be happy. It does not affect me. If you don’t believe in God, If you don’t believe in Budda, the Bible, or the Koran….etc. We all have to answer to ourselves everyday, and we’ll find out, who is at the end….

In December 2006 I watched a show on ABC, or one of those broadcasting stations; anyway, It was hosted by Barbara Walters, and was called “Heaven or Hell, Does it exist, and where”?

The program ran about 2 hours and covered many different religions, from Christian, Baptist, Islam, Catholic, to Buddist…….

We also now have Scientology….. (?)

She asked the same questions to each of her chosen representatives from each religion. Questions like “Do you believe in God”…… And “If people don’t believe in YOUR God, are they all going to Hell?”

The responses were not surprising, but watching a program based on such different religions was quite informative and insightful. With the thousands of religions out there, how difficult is it for any human to pick one and decide that this is the one that won’t send me to Hell?

How with so many religions does one even still decide to believe in God? Is this why so many people I’ve ran across do not. Is it the numerous choices that make it hard to believe that ONE is actually correct.

A friend of mine that was “Athiest” interuppted my praising God for my blessings and prayers being answered. Their response made sense, even though I didn’t agree. And since I’m EXTREMELY Open Minded and Liberal, I heard them out. This friend said, “Khalilah, why do you think ‘God’ answered your prayer and gave you this new found faith? Why is it not possible that your own efforts and change of mind lead you to the state of mind and circumstance that you find yourself in”?

They had a point. But I still believe that God answers my prayers. But then that brings me back to the church here in Omaha that I attended that preached a WHOLE sermon on, “If you’re not 100% saved and living according to God’s word, God WILL NOT answer your prayers”.

Well someone hears me. Someone is answering my prayers. I’m full of faith. I’m full of spirit. And I still and always will, Love God.

What do you think? Anyone see that Barbara Walters special in December?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_religions

Sex, Lies, and Platonic Tape

Filed under: Random Blogs — khalilahyasmin @ 2:22 pm

Somehow this may offend some people, and frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn..

If you’ve read any of my previous Notes/Blogs, you know me by now..and I’m allergic to Bull Shit. :-) And I like to smile after I say things I’m absolutely sure about.

So, I’m curious, and don’t judge a WOMAN or a MAN for liking sex as a sport. But, I however don’t. I admit, I write erotic poetry, stories, and have an imagination like you wouldn’t believe. BUUUUT that doesn’t mean everyone gets to enjoy these visions, these moments, or fantasies. I prefer to do them in Love, and have done them OUT of love.. BUUUT everyone ! EVERYONE that I have let come within 2 feet of me, Grabbed my MIND.

I didn’t chose to be this way. It just is how I am. You can be as fine as frog’s hair, but if you can’t make my mind shiver..or “wet” if you may…the rest of my body is unresponsive.

Sometimes I wonder, “What would it be like to be a “hoe”… or promiscuous”. “Is there something wrong with me, because I need to have chemistry with someone to even want their lips upon mine”?

Yes, I’m human, I’ve seen a man whom upon first sight I was like, “I want him NOW”…

Thank God, though, he said something stupid that blew it.

Buuut, in my NUMEROUS experiences of people watching, testing, and experimenting, I’ve found that Platonic friends are becoming more and more rare. Is every man just a “Dick in a box” waiting to be broken for emergency use?

It’s as if you can’t say anything to them to get them to understand “DUDE, you’re in the FRIEND ZONE”.

I’ve went as far as saying, “I’m currently intimate with someone else whom curls my toes into cramps, there’s nothing you can do for me”.

Even when I was in a relationship… Its as if most men are just pretending… to be your friend until they think the window of opportunity has opened. So yes, I admit, I LIE! I tell men I’m in a relationship to get them to leave me alone. Because I know, if he hasn’t got my attention as of yet, he will not.. I see what he’s after, and I’m NOT INTERESTED.

Before I involve myself in ANY type of a relationship, EVER AGAIN, He’s going to be my FRIEND first. He’s going to know me, candidly. And I him. He’s going to have to know my mind, before he can handle my body. Handle my feelings… I’m going to be able to talk to him about other men, and he with me about other women. Because that’s who I am. I know what I WANT. And won’t settle for less. I don’t know it, until I FEEL it. So no, I can’t tell you what it is, so that you can pretend to BE IT.

Why can’t we be friends? Why do you HAVE TO feel the need to bring up sex? then get mad when I never call again? We live in such a microwave age that everyone is sooooooooo fast. And that’s FINE for some. But when a woman or man says NO, stop! For the love of God! STOP!

Disclaimer: This is directed at both sexes. The names have been changed to protect the guilty.

March 9, 2009

ROBERT

Filed under: Random Blogs — khalilahyasmin @ 7:23 pm

I hold my head high, and don’t care if you happen to see me cry…  I’m going to be REAL whether you like it or not.

So, The past 10 years of my life, I’ve dealt with A LOT of ups and downs… some of which could have been avoided if I had listened to my SPIRIT… from physical abuse, mental abuse, financial hardship, deceptions, loneliness, ….  But you can’t tell by looking at me …  :-)   and I thank GOD For that.

I was told by a friend, that the hardships I’ve endured since birth have prepared me for what God has for me. They have made me hurt so so so much, that I never want another to feel what I have felt and so I’m careful and tread lightly with people, whether I care about them or not.I’m aware of why he put me here and gave me writing as a gift…  TO REACH YOU.

But I wrote about that already.  This blog is about the impact we make on others lives.  How many of us take the time to smile at others or offer an encouraging word?  How many of us, GET OFF, by bringing someone else down?  I’ll wait…..

And since I’m not there with you to read your thoughts, only you know which side of the impact you are on.  Some of us are so so careless in the things we say to others and how we treat them, that we fail to see, WE may be the lingering word they were holding on.   Oh what, don’t think it’s possible?  I’m proof.  Imagine this scenario…  I’m sure you’ve heard the story before…  :The boy whom was ridiculed in High School by his peers and lived in a broken family situation. (which is more common than most realize)….  well here this boy is, we’ll call him, Robert.  Robert is walking home from school carrying his books in tow, and they all fall….  Someone comes to help Robert with a smile to pick up his books.  And that ONE GESTURE stopped Robert from committing suicide that afternoon and he shared his story at his high school graduation.  He made a friend that day his books fell, and a friend is ALL ROBERT wanted/needed.

It’s not just about him being a high school student.  Robert can be you, a woman, a man, or just someone who’s been dealt a bad deck of cards…  It can be a neighbor, a blind man in passing, someone whom always wears a smile and cracks jokes can even be ROBERT.Stop the selfishness already.  Start being selfless.  There is someone out there that may be crying out to you….  ONE GESTURE is all it takes sometimes to make a change in someone’s life.   Choose to Befriend instead of belittle.  Choose to forgive instead of Revenge.  STOP BREAKING EACH OTHER DOWN WITH YOUR PRIDE!  Sticks and Stones hurt yes, but those bruises heal, Words often times do not.  They sink in deep.  You never know what someone is going through or has been through.  Your ONE act of RANDOM KINDNESS could be the difference it makes….

Which side of the influence do you want to be on? The one to uplift or the one to destroy? We’ve enough out there in today’s world that destroys us….
You may end up helping yourself….

I know first hand, I have been Robert before.  Don’t judge a book by it’s cover, our souls are there within….

February 15, 2009

INTERNET; networking, friends, and dating?–from my Facebook page

Filed under: Random Blogs — khalilahyasmin @ 2:59 pm

FINDING FRIENDS ON THE INTERNET; networking, dating, or otherwise…
(is it wrong? and furthermore, who the BLEEP cares)

I grew up quite sheltered. I was the type of child whom hid behind her mother, if a stranger came to close. I didn’t know life outside of my bedroom, unless I saw it on television. My mother was very strict, also often overbearing.. (She has since moved to Vegas and is very care free)…

Now as an adult, I have been told I’m extremely outgoing and friendly. This is true. Granted, I’m no fool. My kindness is not my weakness, it’s my window. I read people very well, and haven’t been put in any awkward situations. (Praise God)

In 2002, I joined the world of “THE INTERNET”… It began with being on BlackPlanet.com I however, have NEVER used any of these websites to “date”. But I used them as a platform to share my writings, my expressionist nature and meet people with similar interests. Upon Joining BlackPlanet I refused to even put my picture up and of course went by a corny screen name; Esoteric3000. I enjoyed the critiquing and praise I won via internet/anonymous strangers in regards to my writings. I began advertising for my book that would soon be self published. In 2003 or 2004 I believe, I became the FIRST Member of Myspace that resided in Omaha, Nebraska. By 2005, everyone and their baby mama’s cousin’s lil sister had joined… By this time, I was modeling and had learned valuable things by talking to others in other states, venues, and such.

I’ve been extremely fortunate to meet some wonderful people on the pages of the Web. And believe it or NOT, I look into your friends lists, read your notes, blogs, comments, before making it to your “pictures”…. If seeking a friend, it’s necessary to find someone with common interests, RIGHT? We can’t have any candor whilst not knowing anything about one another. And I For one, pick up on someone whom has only looked at my pictures, right away.

Even people from High School that I had known by just a simple Hello, the internet seems to have brought us closer.. candidly. We seem to share more interests now and find that “hey we have more in common that previously thought”.

My point in this, I’ve met NUMEROUS people in person, that I initially met through the World Wide Web. Once you make that meeting in person, impression is there, and you have NOW met in person. Granted we may not all have the discernment to know who is worth meeting or safe to meet….

I sold all of my self published book on “Myspace”. I’ve networked with many, MANY people.. from all states, all countries. I’ve made lasting friendships in which I’ve visited these people, share common interests and provide good “friendship” even if it’s through the telephone/email/Instant Message…

Who’s to say that these people that were FIRST MET on the Web, are not as genuine had I met them at Border’s First, instead of Second? I’ve argued this fact, and refuse to argue anymore… and am thankful for all of you, whom I met on the net with sincerity, and then in person with compassion.

A friend of mine once said, “Khalilah, they are not interested in your friendship, they just like you because you’re pretty”…. But what about the women, I’ve platonically befriended and now grocery shop with here in Omaha? Is she calling them superficial? IS she saying that though we have a lot in common and share numerous laughs, that these people are not as genuine?

Well I don’t believe it… And I’m thankful for them all! You all… And if we shall cross paths in person…. until then. You do you, and I guess, I’ll just keep doing ME! :-)

Kindness is not my weakness, it’s my Window… Khalilah Yasmin

www.KhalilahYasmin.com

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”~
Maya Angelou

ANYONE HAVE A POSITIVE EXPERIENCE TO SHARE??????????

December 14, 2008

Smiles are free?

Filed under: Random Blogs — khalilahyasmin @ 2:33 pm

“Smiles are Free–but you won’t smile back at me”?

This is a topic that I have wanted to touch on for quite some time. It is the gap that lies between African Americans and other African Americans. It’s mainly an issue in women I’ve ran across. A Facebook friend of mine, inspired my sharing of my thoughts… (A.H.) His Note was in regards to women having an arrogant demeanor upon saying hello and being “simply friendly”. I can go on for days on this topic, and I’m a woman. Yet I too, have ran into this growing epidemic that (some) Black Women (mostly) seem to have within them.

Now, I’m a Black Woman, predominantly… and I’m genuinely friendly with a happy disposition. I like to speak to people I see in passing, regardless of their race, social demographic, gender. A.H. mentioned that the women he attempts to speak to, assume there lies some sort of hidden agenda. I do believe in this as well. I’m guilty of it. It’s due to a lot, MAJORITY of the men I’ve been “friendly” with, take that as some sort of intimate interest that does NOT exist. Therefore making me leery of future male greeters in passing.

It’s not intentional, it’s a subconscious learned behavior from my environment and experiences with the male gender. Yes there are times, when I’m like “Okay, I’ll smile back at him, he’s harmless”.. And then I’m disappointed with the replied “so what’s up with you girl, let me holla’ at chu… where yo man at”, and so on, and so on. It’s unnerving and makes us uncomfortable. There was a time, before my dating age, that a man could speak to a woman without expectations, and he had the common sense enough to know if to respectfully take it further and respectfully exit without anger. In Today’s society, I’ve grown fearful to be friendly “ALL THE TIME”, because if I’m too friendly with the WRONG man, …he either will, proceed with a “Holla at chu” request, Have a girlfriend or wife nearby whom knows he’s a hopeless flirt (awkward), or after simply reciprocating the friendly gesture, he will take offense to your lack of interest and call you “stuck up”…or other names.

WHERE IS THE LINE? Who’s at fault and how do we fix this?

But…….that’s my reply to Anthony’s Note/Blog. But where does the tension from black women towards other black women come from. It’s 1/20 times that I can smile or wave at a fellow black women and get a healthy response.

Once, months ago, I had a black woman speak to me and smile genuinely… I almost asked for her number(friendship), because I had never seen that before here in Omaha. I was astonished and it put a smile on my face.

Why does it seem so many black women put down instead of raising up? It’s as if it ails them to see another woman of color rise before they do? It deeply hurts me. Since the Civil Rights movement have we grown so far apart? Are we not family anymore? Is this what brothers are talking about when they say black women are difficult. Well I’m not. I love everyone. (Black, White, Blue, Green) ..and I’m here, ready, with a smile to give you for free.

Any other ethnicities have these problems amongst their own?

As Sister Souljah would say, “No Disrespect”. I’m just giving you my point of view. These are my experiences…

Where is the line? How do we fix this?

Peace upon and within you, K.Yasmin

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